curlumnist (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} curlumnist) wrote,@ 2007-05-19 15:31:00 |
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Resolutions Against Romance
My resolutions for 2007 are as follows:
My resolutions for 2007 are as follows:
ª To avoid falling in love
ª To become incapable of falling in love
ª To learn to be lonely.
Why do I not want to fall in love? Love (and marriage) is the biggest gamble that we can ever undertake in our lives. It is taking a chance on a single individual and investing emotionally in him/ her, hoping that the two of you can be together until death do us part.”
But reality check. Nothing lasts forever, not even true love. The two of you might be happy together but for how long? Times change and people change as well. So one day, either you or he might realize that you no longer have feelings for each other or that you have fallen in love with someone else. And when that happens, what remains? Sorrow, rage, guilt, confusion and anxiety. Of course, the same can be said of the end of the end of friendships and the severing of ties between relations. But in the case of love, the emotional burden is heavier because of the stronger, more intense emotions involved.
And besides, I don’t buy into all that talk about love being wonderful, noble and all. To me, love is just about forming relationships of convenience. We all have our needs and we turn to love to fulfill them. Fine, love has also brought out the best in many and has driven some to perform acts of great courage and selflessness. But still, that’s the way of human nature because it is in our interest to do. We do things because we derive some benefit from doing so. In the case of love, giving to the other makes one feel good about himself/ herself.
Suppose a guy loves a girl and he showers her with much of his time, hugs and presents. It would seem that he is doing all this out of love and that he just wants to make her happy without wanting anything in return. But it’s also his way of making sure that she knows how much he loves her in the hope that his feelings will be reciprocated. So in a way, the fellow does what he does so that his own needs (eg: companionship, emotional support) will be served eventually.
And ever notice how those who are still single are told things like “But won’t you be lonely?” and “Who will be there for you when you’re old and sick?” Note how in this instances, it is the individual’s needs that are being addressed rather than the so-called purity and beauty of love? It’s not like you hear things like “Love is the greatest gift that you can give to someone” or “There is no life without love.” I wonder what such people would say if they meet monks, nuns, priests and others who remain single by choice. Need I say more?
And so, I have decided that I am never going to fall in love. Instead, I will remain single for the rest of my life. But there’s a problem. We are not made to not fall in love. Getting into romantic relationships is Nature’s way of ensuring the continued existence of our kind; to lead us on to make babies so that the human race survives.
So what happens is a conflict between my mind (which is trying not to love) and my body (which wants me to love). Which brings me to my 2nd resolution: to become incapable of falling in love. For that, I must seek out a suitable form of medication that will prevent me from falling in love. And since the origin of my love drive is biological (ie: my body) in nature, the solution must also be biological which means that the right medicine can help. And that’s why I’m hoping that love is merely a chemical reaction in our bodies, that it is the result of the interaction of the hormones, fluids and minerals in our systems rather than a purely psychological process.
Right, I can successfully remain single forever. But people of my mindset are in the minority since love and marriage are the norms of mainstream society. My friends will eventually marry and settle down, will have to make family their top priority. And it is only natural that it is so. Their families are related to them, by blood ties and such. I can’t expect my buddies to set aside time for hanging out if they need that time to spend it with their families. Yes, I can't expect my friends to be around until my life is through.
So my only hope is to learn to be lonely (my 3rd resolution). I must numb my mind to the feeling of being solo such that I will become immune to it. I must become what I call “emotionally invulnerable.” But this is something that takes years to attain. And that’s why I’ve already started learning to be lonely. Sometimes, I go to the movies (by myself), play playstation games in the comfort of my room and go jogging alone. It’s not easy but my heart is strong and I will do all I can to make it stronger.
Yes, this is the ultimate trial that I will be facing. Will I be able to stay true to my beliefs and rise above the desires and impulses of my body and mind? Or will I simply give in to them and forsake all that I believe in? Time alone will tell. So wish me luck!
Oh and look out for my upcoming review of the movie Spider-Man 3. YES, I know the spidey fever might have died down a bit but I need time to go back to the comics and do a proper analysis.
